Have you ever felt discomfort while asking for help, delegating tasks to others, struggling to let your walls down & let another person in, being too secretive to share personal information thinking it can be used again you, fearing betrayal, dislike of neediness? You might be a victim of hyper-independence mental health conditions! A person who is hyper-independent will avoid asking for support & choose to be independent even if the situation may negatively affect him/her.
What is Hyper Independence :
Hyper-independence refers to individual attempts to be fully independent in all things & goes to an unhealthy extreme to not rely on others, even when it is not helpful to do so or when they truly need help or support from others.
It is necessary to function independently as an adult, to be self-sufficient and taking care of yourself. But when independence goes to an unhealthy extreme, It can be dangerous. Well, being too independent can often make us more isolated and emotionally distant from the people around us. We rely on ourselves too much that we end up making people feel like we don’t trust them or want them around.
People with hyper-independence can be difficult to form connections with and tend to avoid companionship, preferring to live much of their lives in solitude. Similarly, hyper-independent people tend to be hostile to sharing emotions, maintaining relationships, and admitting defeat. They will do all they can to avoid asking for help.
And this kind of behaviour most likely stems from a traumatic experience, studies found, that taught us to trust ourselves and only ourselves to get us through life, creating a fear of betrayal or abandonment.
Signs of Hyper Independent Human:
- You are a very private person. Inability to open to others.
- Workaholic and over-achieving. Over burdening yourself with commitments.
- Not accepting help and proving to be self-sufficient.
- Difficult delegating tasks and end up micro managing others due to lack of trust.
- Using avoidance tactics for social events.
- Trying to be unemotional and detached in relationships.
- Not wanting to rely on others fearing they will betray their trust.
Usually, having hyper-independence stems from a history of trauma, creating a fear of betrayal or abandonment. When a person experiences a disturbing, distressing, or life-threatening event that they are unable to cope with in a healthy way, this event is considered traumatic. When someone experiences trauma, their brain can enter “survival mode.
This means that they choose behaviour based on what will keep them safest in the moment. Because our brains are wired to keep us safe and alive, we tend to hold onto survival mode long after the traumatic event has passed. Hence hyper independence can be a trauma response. Hyper-independence can be related to a past trauma.
For example, you might be overly independent because you learned that you could not trust others, so you can rely only on yourself. Your hyper-independent traits may have developed to protect you from further harm.
How to deal with it:
Treatment through psychotherapy. This form of talk therapy can help you speak about your thoughts, feelings, concerns, and behaviours that have resulted from a past traumatic event or period. Therapy is designed to help you find your way to a better state of mind, discover coping mechanisms, and learn to trust again. Talk therapy can help you understand and rebuild relationships and come to terms with accepting help from others. And remember, being independent is good. Being independent means you are strong and self-sufficient.
But there’s nothing wrong with needing other people every once in a while. In fact, it’s only human! We all need love in our lives; we all crave companionship and affection; we all want to feel accepted, appreciated, and understood by other people. And no matter how hard we might try, we can’t do everything all on our own. So while it may not be easy at first, we have to do our best to open up to those around us and allow ourselves to trust again, to ask for help when we need it. Its ok to be vulnerable and fragile at times and ask for help!
And also remember that asking for help does not make you weak but it makes you strong. In a way that you understand yourself much more than anyone that you know that you need help and you are seeking the help you need.Happy Healing!!
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She is having 10+yrs of experience in Technical and Leadership roles – Test Engineer, Snr Project Engineer, Test Lead to Project Manager. Exposed to storage domain. Worked with teams from India, the US, and Japan. She is currently working as a Project Manager in Wipro for multiple smaller engagements. Handling an overall team size of 18 people. Primarily responsible for ensuring smooth and successful project delivery to customers.